Since you’ve been gone…

It’s been one year and three days since you left us.

I got the text messages and one voicemail saying you were gone, that you were okay, that you just “needed to get away for a little while”.  You left us no explanation.  All of us kept trying to call you and text you over the next month and a half trying to figure out where you were, what was going on, what was going through your head, what was happening.  You never called any of us – your husband, your children.  We all needed you.  We were all scared.

After that, things got strange.  You broke into the house and took out all of your belongings.  We – the “kids”, I mean – started getting random text messages about how much you loved us and missed us.  You even came to my house to see me once, and acted really strangely – almost as if you were “casing the joint”, looking around and asking strange questions.  I hid family pictures, because I didn’t trust you.

And then Dad – Ron, your husband, my stepdad – was served the divorce papers.  Turns out you’re making some pretty crazy accusations against him, some of the same accusations you made against Daddy some 30-odd years ago.  And your family is backing you up 100%, even though they’ve been through this with you before.  That’s one of the things that really boggles my mind; that you keep living lie after lie after lie and think that you have the right to do so, and there are people who are willing to stand by your side no matter how despicable you are. Did you read a how-to manual on this kind of thing?

It’s funny, ironic, and sad that when we went to court, and when we go back again, that your own children sit on the side of their father instead of on the side of their mother.  Even me, who is not even a blood relative of the father.  I’ll be backing him up because what you’re doing to him is wrong, the lies you’re telling are wrong, and your duplicity is astounding.

Most importantly, what you’ve done to your own children is reprehensible.  I know that your rationale was “well, they’re legal adults now so they’ll be fine”.  The truth is that children need their mothers no matter how old they are.  The kids – now 23, 21, and 20 – were devastated.  They had to turn to their friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, and me to help ease their pain – they felt they couldn’t burden Dad with it.  The girls turned to me a lot and told me that they had always considered me to be their mom (even though I was gone for 13 years) and that “I was their mom for real now”.  You have no idea how much that broke my heart.  I have loved and cared for those kids like they were my own, especially when they were very small.  Now it’s an actuality, simply because you left.  You obviously didn’t do much “right” in this world, but you turned out three beautiful children and for that I’m grateful.  They’re mine now, and you will never get them back.  You turned your back on them.  They will never forgive you for that.

The divorce is not final yet but it will be in a few months.  In the past year I’ve dealt with a lot of anger toward you, and a lot of hurt.  This Independence Day, I’m liberating myself from you.  I’m releasing the ties that bind.  You’ve been gone for a year and I’m grateful for that too.  You were never any good for any of us.  I haven’t heard from you in seven months, except for an empty birthday card that meant absolutely nothing, and I’m not sorry.  I don’t wish you any ill but I can’t say that I wish you well either.

I want you completely out of our lives forever.

Thank you for leaving.

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